Piano Lessons from Hell

Does the idea of taking piano lessons make you cringe? Does it make you remember old Sister Mary beating you over the knuckles with a ruler when you were eight years old for not practicing your scales enough? Do you think back to the old woman with thirty-three cats that stank of beef stew and cheap perfume that your mother made you learn scales from when you were a child?

You don't have to be traumatized any more. Simply dissociate your bad experiences and learn how to play piano online. That way, you'll never have to smell a stinky piano teacher again.

Know that you are not alone out there. I remember taking the piano lessons from Hell when I was a teenager. My instructor, we'll call him Mike (mainly because that was his name) was in his forties. Looking back, I'm fairly certain that he ended up teaching piano lessons to children because he had absolutely no other marketable skills.

My piano lessons took place in a music shop that seemed ordinary enough from the selling floor. Once you entered the back room for lessons, however, you were overwhelmed by the stench of urine, cheap liquor and cigarette smoke. Apparently, Mike wasn't so hot at keeping his area neat and tidy. If he only knew that a little bit of Lysol goes a long way, my nose would have been so grateful!

After a few minutes, I would get used to the smell. At least, I would become less horrified by it the more I was forced to breathe it in. What I simply couldn't get over, however, was the giant growth on Mike's hand. Yes, a huge tumor-like growth joined me and Mike every Tuesday night for lessons. It was about the size of a quarter, and since he was my piano teacher, I was forced to stare at it for a hour every week. It was huge! There was simply no avoiding the sight of that awful, purplish thing that seemed to be getting larger every time I visited. How any 13-year-old can be expected to concentrate on music lessons while being forced to stare at an anomaly straight out of a medical textbook - or perhaps even a science-fiction show, considering the size of it - I have no idea.

But, I really wanted to learn to play piano. So, I suffered through the piano lessons from Hell for a little under a year. What do I remember from my lessons? I most remember the trauma of being forced, both by my parents and by my own drive to learn, to go to piano lessons that I dreaded.

Perhaps your piano lessons from Hell were a bit less traumatizing. But still, who wants to make the effort to leave the house when you can teach yourself by studying online? Such a luxury would have made my young teenage life immeasurably easier, and I'd be a better piano player for it.

So, if you've had bad experiences with piano lessons in the past, you can still learn to play without that weekly feeling of dread. With the advent of the Internet, you no longer need to hunt down an expensive instructor. Simply look for a great course online, and start plunking your way toward your true destiny as a piano virtuoso. Even if you only end up a virtuoso in your own home, you'll be amazed by how quickly and easily you can learn to play piano online at your own pace.

Enjoy the comforts of your own home as you learn, and trust me, your knuckles will thank you for the absence of piano teachers slapping them around if you miss a few practice sessions.

Duane Shinn is the author of the popular online newsletter on piano chords, available free at "Exciting Piano Chords & Chord Progressions!"

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